Funny Philosophy Jokes
The First law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They’re both wrong.
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
“Hmmm… well there’s an interesting question isn’t it?”
“Define ‘light bulb’…”
“How can you be sure it needs changing?”
Question: Why is the solipsist unhappy?
Answer: Because no one will accept his arguments as valid.
Did you hear about the guy who went to the solipsist convention?
Nobody showed up.
Question: How do you get a philosopher off your porch?
Answer: Pay for the pizza.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can’t understand.
Descartes walks into his usual bar. The bartender walks over to him and asks, “Rene, the usual?” Descartes looks at him and replies, “I think not.” He immediately disappears.
How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they’re convinced that the power will come back on soon.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Epicurus: For fun.
Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Zeno: To prove it could never reach the other side.
A philosopher and a theologian are discussing the relative merits of their disciplines. The theologian says: “Philosophy is like a blind man in a pitch black basement looking for a black cat that isn’t there”
The philosopher replies: “Yes, but theology finds the cat.”
Seen on a restroom wall: “God is dead: Nietzsche. Nietzsche is dead: God.”
I passed my ethics exam. Of course I’ve cheated.
What is Mind? No Matter.
What is Body? Never Mind.
What’s the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?
About 50,000 a year.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who spilled his coffee while driving to work? He had bad kar-mug.
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